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Have you Really tried Everything?
Every manager at one point or another believes they have a problem in which we have tried everything. When we try to explain information and ideas in business, what has worked for you in the past will be your basis for communication. However, others on your team don’t share the same background. That’s why it’s so important to not just tell people the best route, but to ask, “Can you help me to understand how we can solve this together?” With a multitude of life experiences dotting the world of business, the way people approach situations can be completely different, yet no less effective. This episode of the Manager Mojo podcast may be an opportunity to view an old situation through new eyes.
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More info: I’ve tried Everything, now What?
Hello and welcome to the Manager Mojo podcast. Our topic today is: “Hey, I’ve tried everything, now what?”
Have you ever heard yourself or another manager say those words? Well, I would think that those of us who have been in management any period of time have had an employee or team member where things just haven’t gone the way that we needed them to go. We are struggling to connect with them and they just don’t seem to get it.
Has that ever happened to you? Well it’s happened to me quite a bit, and in the past here’s what I did. Maybe this will sound familiar to you. I’d just keep trying different things that I knew to do. In other words, I would tell them based on my own experience. I’d be thinking about the ways that I would do it if I were them.
I would continue to keep trying to explain to people how I would do things based on the way that I did them and it just seemed that nothing I said was getting through to them. And I would be persistent as heck. I’d try one thing after after another and it just seemed like they never were going to get it.
Well, I did this over and over again. Einstein always says that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I truly expected that at some point they were going to figure out if they do it like I do it, they’ll know exactly how to move forward.”
I have to tell you, it was a great eye opener to me that other people really and truly didn’t do things the way that I did them. They had their own unique perspective and they looked at it their way. Here’s when the a-ha moment finally hit me. I finally got so frustrated with one person that I gave up. I had tried every single thing in my arsenal to reach them. Nothing was working.
I had already learned that I didn’t go talk to that person when I was feeling frustrated or angry. So I waited until I calmed down, could control my emotions and possibly find out how to reach this person. And here’s my key novel idea.
Now, I don’t want you to laugh because I’ll bet that you have already figured this out for yourself. But in case you are a ‘block head’ like me sometimes, here’s my a-ha moment.
I went to that person and simply said, “I’ve tried everything that I know. Could you help me understand how we could solve this together?”
In other words, I asked them to figure it out with me instead of me just trying to tell them how to solve the problem. It was really hilarious because this individual looked at me and said, “I can’t believe you just asked for my opinion.” That probably said a whole lot more about my management style then I wanted to know at that point in time. But it was really an eye opener for me, because they looked at me with that ‘I can’t believe you’re asking me’ look. Then they saw that I was really serious, I wanted to know how I would do it, and I wanted to know how we could participate together and how I could help him.
The next thing you knew, I was getting all kinds of ideas from that individual and more importantly they were giving me information about what was causing their issues. Previous to that I didn’t understand what was causing them not to understand what I wanted them to understand.
I began to understand that the best way to solve nearly any problem was to go to that individual and ask for their opinion first. I would do things like, “Look, I’ve observed that you are ineffective in this area and you’re struggling here. I’d like to know what you think would start to change this circumstance.” Most times what I would find is they really and truly understood what the problem was.
Here’s what I mean by that. Sometimes we tell people they are doing things the wrong way but we don’t understand what that means to the individual. In their mind they are thinking, “Hey, they just don’t like me as a person and they just don’t like the way I do my job.” The real problem for me was that I never really understood that I had to discuss consequences for behavior that did not meet the demands of the job. In other words, if you are doing something incorrectly and you continue to do it over and over again, what are the consequences.
For example, some of you may be in sales. Maybe you have, like nearly every sales group I know, a minimum number of calls that people are required to make. And maybe you’ve got a sales person that is not making their numbers. They are required to do twenty calls and they are only doing ten. Previous to my a-ha, what I would do is tell that individual, “Hey, look, you’re not making enough calls. You’ve got to make more calls. Make more calls.” I’d just keep saying, “Make more calls.” It didn’t take very long for me to figure out that I was banging my head against the wall, because they didn’t change anything.
Here’s a way that I finally started to connect — when I understood the consequences. Because I was the manager, I understood why we even had a metric for the minimum number of calls. The reason was because if you made twenty calls each day you were much more likely to meet quota and make the money you needed to make. This individual was new to sales, and they didn’t understand there was a direct correlation. They didn’t understand what a real call looked like.
When I began to talk about the consequences of not making calls and started breaking it down — how you could make more money, how you could make more contacts, how you could generate more proposals — the light bulb began to go off for this person. They began to understand, “Hey, the consequences if I do this long enough I can make my goal. My goal is to make a certain level of money for myself and my family and to grow my career.” I began to realize this two-step process that I am suggesting for you today made a great connection between the individual and me.
Number one, go back and ask them for their input. There’s nothing greater than having a conversation when there’s no pressure involved. You are simply asking someone for their opinion. I promise when they look at you as a manager and you are asking for their opinion, your value, and your worth as a manager and as a leader is going to go up.
If you actually have this conversation talking about the consequences that lead to failure or lead to success in their job, you’ll usually see people change their behavior and their performance. This is a win-win for both of you, because it’s not a screaming match and it’s not arguing at that point. You’ve really helped turn that person back the right way.
Is that sometimes stressful? Yes. But it’s worth it, because as the leader you are helping people see the big picture. What I’ve learned over many years of leading people is that most have tunnel vision. They cannot see beyond what they are doing at the moment. They cannot see the big picture. They can’t see the long term consequences of what they are doing. If you are going to be a great leader, you have to be able to help people understand the long term consequences of what they are doing.
Now, I know as we are talking about this some people are saying, “Yeah, but Steve you don’t know, I’ve got some really hardheaded people and they are just never going to do what they need to do.” I want to acknowledge that that is a very real consequence in business. There’s always going to be somebody that gets on the team that truly either doesn’t want to succeed in that job or they should never have been put in that job to begin with.
And when that happens, when you’ve exhausted all of the opportunities you have in order to encourage that person, then you have to understand this is somebody you are going to have to let go from this position. You need to begin taking steps to replace that person. Yet I will tell you that most managers won’t do it. They’ll live with that person until they are forced to make a decision to replace them on the team.
That’s not leadership and that’s not going to help you. It’s going to hurt your career. But I also want you to know that if you have the right attitude toward people and you are really trying to help the people on your team, you are not helping that person either.
A lot of managers believe that if they fire somebody or manage that person out of that role, that everybody is going to dislike them. They are going to be the bad guy. Well, the reality is that the top performers on your team already know that some people are failing and don’t need to be on the team. The people who aren’t performing drag the whole team down. It affects the morale. They’ll love you for getting rid of that person that doesn’t want to be there.
What you have to remember is this: don’t be afraid to replace somebody. You’re actually doing them a favor. It’s better for that person to go work somewhere where they really fit in and they can do a great job, instead of staying in the job that doesn’t match their skills or their desires. Why cause them to fail? Why not help them accelerate their life to get to the career and the life that they want to lead? You’ll actually help people, and I know that seems counter intuitive but it really will be helping them.
So the next time you hear yourself thinking or saying, “Hey, I’ve tried everything, now what?” I hope you’ll remember these little simple tips. Number one, start asking your employee and number two, make sure you discuss the consequences, both good and bad, to behavior that never gets changed.
The next time you think you have tried everything, don’t forget to ask!
